I’ve been thinking how and when I changed. 15 years ago, I was this fun and care free person. No, I never broke rules but I laughed more, shopped more, went out more and I had promised not to change…I have 2 daughters 14 and 12 and I certainly am not an obsessive mother.  I started out with doing my job as a mom and told myself never to let the ‘ mum’ syndrome get to me where all I would do is to worry about what my kids ate, what they did etc. I would let them grow and not be pushy about marks, competition and never compare. I would talk to them like equals.  In fact many of my friends called me the ‘practical mom’ .  While I felt, I had stuck to the agreed principle, 14 years down the line and I realize my girls had somehow silently encroached into my time, my space, my entire life.  They take up every waking moment once they are back from school and I am back from work. I am not complaining but…the other day when my older one said, ” mamma has no life”, I realized that maybe I had been complaining. I had not meant it of course…I mean I love being with them and doing stuff with them but somewhere down the line I had made them believe that I was forced into this. It could have been work pressure or just the responsibility of handling a family. Kids take things we say verbatim. When my daughter said this, I began to argue my case that I loved my life and I was truly blessed.


I knew I had done something wrong that the girls had got this feeling. It had to change and I had to show my girls that I was happy and that being a mum is not  punishment or being a woman means putting others before yourself. There will be difficult times but there are many precious moments too that I wouldn’t trade for anything. This, is as important as all the other things that we teach our girls. They need to know that they need to care for themselves before they can genuinely care for others.

So mums out there, please do not forget yourselves and let the role of being a mom take over every other role you play. A mother is a daughter’s role model and she will eventually replicate her mother’s way. So, if you want your daughter to succeed, have faith in herself, be confident, be kind and caring, smart and honest, stand for what she believes in, that’s what she needs to see in you.


There will be stressful days, days you wish you did not have kids but that’s fine. That’s when you need to get out, take a break and love yourself. Nobody said being a mom, raising a family was easy and if you are doing it, you are doing the most difficult job in the world. So go ahead and be kind to yourself and reward yourself. You deserve it!

Posted by:Smitha V

A banker by profession, a blogger by choice, a poet by accident, and an artist at heart. Imperfectly perfect - that's me. Welcome to my world!

18 replies on “I am not sure when I changed!!!

  1. I have always believed that mothers have some kind of superpower that makes them so giving and so selfless. But they need care too. You have to look after yourself first so that you are able to look after your children. I have seen my mother give up everything for the sake of her children and suffer from a range of health issues. I wish I could go back in time and do something for her, so that she was healthy now. I can’t imagine being a mother, I am unable to look after myself, I can’t think of raising real people. There should be a bravery award for every mother on earth! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it’s sad that we realise a little too late on all that our mothers do for us. In my case, I realised it when my kids grew up. My mother always said “you’ll understand one day”. She was right. Its great you realised it so much earlier. I was so like you and I am sure our mothers were too. Having children automatically makes ones selfless. It just happens…Thanks Mona for sharing your thoughts. I totally agree every mother should be given a bravery award. You definitely need courage to jump down that path☺.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful post, Smitha. I can’t have kids so never thought about motherhood, did not allow myself to think about it. But your post both made me smile and have tears in my eyes on what I have missed and what a great thing motherhood is. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Shalini. I am so happy it touched your heart. I guess each one of us has a purpose in life that He decides. It’s right of you not to think of it becoz there’s so much more than having kids. My sister has decided not to have kids and honestly she is making the most of it. Your commenting on this post means so much to me. Thank you😘


  3. A very nice post and a meaningful one indeed. I generally advise to my wife about taking care of herself first and then the kids. I have observed that somehow the guilty feeling creeps into mothers if they think about themselves before thinking about kids. So one of my main job is to prevent that feeling from coming in. 😛 Keep writing..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s makes you an amazing husband and a good man Raja. Yes, we mothers tend to feel guilty a little too easily if we enjoy without our kids. It’s funny how this has not changed with changing generations. Do share the post with your wife. Maybe she will see the need to have some fun when it comes from another woman/mother/wife just like her. Thanks for reading and commenting:)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aah, thanks for the compliments. I will try to live upto those compliments. I can’t show the post to my wife, coz she hates reading 😛 I would have to summarize the content and tell her 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. An important post. It’s easy to lose yourself when you are in the throes of family life. Us mothers tend to put everyone else first. Reminding ourselves we are role models is so necessary. We have to show our children how to make time for themselves, once they have their own families and responsibilities, by making time for ourselves. My children are older now and leaving for university, I’m re-finding myself!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I read about your trying to find yourself, after your children moved on to university, through your blog and I realized that I would be in the same position a few years from now. It’s a coincidence though that I reblogged this post (which was written last year) today because as mums we need constant reminders to take care of ourselves. I am so glad you read this post and you shared your thoughts. Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. One of the most difficult and responsible job in the world ..moulding and grooming our girls to be strong and independent women..but u r right smitha..we get so wrapped up in our daily chores that we forget the woman within us..thanks for the encouragement for all always beautifully penned 👌

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Smitha .. This is one my favorite postings of yours. Actually seen several friends of mine being lost in motherhood and actually have nothing left for themselves , ofcourse being responsible mom should not fade away the very thought Mom have their life too..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Gayathri. Sometimes the ‘mom’ syndrome takes over you and before you know it, thats the only identity you have.
      Guess we need to keep reminding ourselves and our friends coz that’s what real friends do- help each other through😊


  7. Smitha,
    Nicely written. Yes, moms are the last ones on the list. It is we who have to change that and society has to accept it. Kudos to the brave ones like you who realise this and achieve it.
    Its should be like how they list it in the air plane info card: In case of emergency put on the oxygen mask and then help others.


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