I’m guilty
of forgetting
of a memory that’s fading
I can’t remember
The sound of your voice
That lulled me to bed
when my heart filled with dread
or urged me to be tough
when the going got rough
Or bolstered me up
When my cup
spilled over
And said, ‘Try my dear, once more.’
I’m guilty
of going against the norm
letting cobwebs form
In the nooks and crannies
Of a chest full of memories
Its’ key misplaced
The lock rusted
Stacked files
forgotten piles
Gathering dust
Under this polished crust
Lying so deep
No longer make me weep
I thought I’d die
When I said, ‘Goodbye’
‘Time heals all,’ they said
Those that saw my eyes red
Hatred spewed from every cell
‘Keep your mouths shut,’ I wished to yell
My loss, unfathomable, I believed
Those that thought, ‘time would heal,’ were deceived
I’m guilty
Of failing
Of my memories dwindling
I’m trying so hard
To keep you alive – its’ made me a bard.
I write this poem in memory of my mother whom I lost 13 years’ and 10 months ago. We were close – so close that I wanted to die when she went away. Having kids or being married didn’t make things any better. Yet now, I do not remember her often. And I feel guilty of moving on. I ask myself, ‘Why?’
And I think maybe it hurt so badly that my mind found a way of dulling the memories. Maybe that’s what ‘Time heals everything,’ means.
Copyright©2019. lifeateacher.wordpress.com. All Rights Reserved.
12 responses to “Guilty”
Beautifully penned Smitha. We learn to live without those we love and need by our side. Memories fade with time but the ache embeds within.
Thank you Balroop for your kind words. They help…like a balm. Thank you for saying, ‘it’s ok.’ ❤
This is extraordinarily beautiful, Smitha. A wonderful tribute to your mom.
Thank you so much Robbie for such heartfelt appreciation. It means a lot.
Very melancholic poem Smitha …I can feel your dilemma n pain through your writing …..
Thanks so much Binny for being a wonderful friend. Hugs to you. Happy Diwali to all of you!
Beautiful poem Smitha, totally resonates with me, I lost my Mum a couple of years ago.
Thank you so much for your warm words🙏. Really sorry to hear of your mom. Hugs.
Beautiful poem smi. Very touching and i could feel the pain you are going through.Hugs to to you dear
I think maybe that’s true Smitha, it would be hard to live in a state of acute grief all the time. I do sometimes struggle to remember my parents (my dad died 18 years ago, my mother 10), and I do forget them at times, but when I remember them it’s easier.
Real human feelings of truth expressed in poetry, can be inspiring to us all. This your poetry, is beautiful as it expresses the anger, sadness, in our love. Thanks
Thank you Leo for reading and writing back. So happy to read your comment.